Bellamy's Trials
by TheFangirlsHaveThePhonebox
Summary: Clarke talked to Bellamy every day, for 6 years. What if Bellamy did the same? A series of angsty Bellamy-centric oneshots set post S4 finale.
1. day 93

**Hello all! I realize that right now is quite the sensitive time for the 100 fandom(mainly the Bellarke part of it... *sigh*) But I am determined to fight the hiatus by publishing my first fanfic in years! Yah! Enjoy my angst and emotional problems! Whoo!**

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It had been 93 days. 93 days since Bellamy watched the planet he was once estranged from, then stranded on, then slowly began to call home go up in flames once again. Since Bellamy first felt the bitter, aching tear form in his heart at leaving his best friend behind to die. Bellamy considered this to be his 93rd day alone in space.

"Still defacing government property, I see." Raven's voice intruded Bellamy's thoughts as he scratched a tic mark on his wall- the 93rd one, to be exact.

"It doesn't count as government property when there's no government to own it." Bellamy smirked at his friend, sideways, dropping the stone shard he'd been using as chalk.

"Hey, hey, hey buddy," Raven warned. "Watch it. As of three months ago, I'm the government in this place." Her light expression made Bellamy want to chuckle, but he just smiled mercifully. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed.

Raven fidgeted. The toe of her boot ground into the dusty floor of Bellamy's bedroom, causing him to sit up straighter on his bed. He leaned forward, his brows furrowed together. He'd known Raven for as long as anyone else here, and he could tell there was something she wasn't saying.

"What is it?" He was concise and to the point. Maybe he wasn't always like that, he couldn't remember. He just knew he'd been like that since Clarke.

"I-" Raven cut herself off, leaning against the doorframe. She absently knocked on the thick metal beam and sucked her teeth. "Come with me, Blake."

The bed creaked loudly as Bellamy stood to follow the surprisingly fast girl down the hallway. He felt a small hint of pride at his friend. Very few people were better in space, but Raven Reyes was one of them. While Echo and Emori seemed to always be having melt downs, and Monty and Murphy were always there to pick up the pieces, Raven was thriving. She regularly made rounds through the Ring, went on frequent spacewalks(for work sometimes, but mainly just for enjoyment), and even in the simulated gravity, she seemed to have forgotten about her limp.

Then there was Bellamy. He drank, played cards, helped with the heavy lifting, and, on the off day, threw around with Murphy or Echo- the only two people on the station who could even stand a chance against him. He exhausted himself through vigorous exercises, sometimes to the point of passing out. But he saw through it, and so did everyone else.

Bellamy- the adult, the savior, the _leader_ , the one born in space, was being broken by space. At least that's what he liked to think. He liked to think he was just so used to the ground and the real air and the trees and the dirt and the radiation and enemies, that the dark emptiness of the space station was just too much. He liked to think he missed earth, his home.

But, deep down, he knew he didn't miss earth. He just missed his _home._

"Voila," Raven's voice was happy and anxious all at once as she swept her arms to reveal... something.

Bellamy crossed his arms, taking in the small contraption. It sat on the table in the middle of Raven's overly-huge lab, surrounded by tools, some gloves, a mask, and a half-eaten ration. That caught his eye, but he decided he could scold Raven about leaving food uneaten later. He focused his attention on figuring out what exactly her surprise was.

"Oh, come on. Really, Bellamy? I just- ugh, fine. I'll show you." Raven huffed, and quickly marched towards the table to fiddle with the device.

Bellamy considered telling her to just let him figure it out, but she was already powering the thing up.

"Speak," her voice turned soft and gentle as she held up part of the device to his face.

It clicked.

He could finally see the dials and the switches connected to a speaker, and a wire leading to the microphone in Raven's hand. He could even see the small satellite rigged to the back of it. She had done it. She had made a radio.

"Raven..." His voice cracked as he held onto the gift like a lifesaver. Raven had promised she would set out to getting a working long distance radio at some point, but with all the other projects she had on her hands, Bellamy doubted it would ever be finished. And here it was. If anyone was still alive on earth, he would be able to find out.

"Now, I don't know if the signal would be strong enough to break through a radiation and electrical-impulse blocking bunker wall, but it should be able to reach anyone on earth. That is if the alkaline battery is enough to sustain a 500 mile plus distance... Maybe I should've gone for a different dry cell-" As Raven began to drift off into her own little world of self-critique and science rhetoric, Bellamy stopped her.

His large arms wrapped around her shoulders and she gasped, rocking backwards on her heels. The last time Bellamy had shown anyone affection was three months ago, and it was only ever to Clarke or Octavia. Raven considered herself and Bellamy to be friends, but more like the type that gave each other curt nods and lead the citizens of Space Station Reyes together. She realized long ago that her and Bellamy's relationship would never be the type that he and Clarke had. And she was completely okay with that.

But here he was- _hugging her._ And she hugged him back. She squeezed her arms around his large waist and just thanked whatever entity was watching over him that, maybe, now he would start to get better. Maybe he just needed a little hope.

"Now, I can't promise you it will work," Raven began, hesitantly, as she wiggled her way out of his grasp, at last.

"I don't care," Bellamy smiled at the radio as if it was the most precious gift anyone could ever receive. And, maybe, to him, it was. "It's a chance."


	2. day 93 pt 2

Bellamy sat alone on the lab floor, the radio in his hand, his head against the counter behind him. Raven had left him alone long ago, but still he sat in silence. He turned the radio on and off, flipped it over in his hand, ran his fingers through his hair and just stared at the darn thing.

He wanted to speak. Oh, he so desperately wanted to just speak into the microphone. He wanted to call down to earth, to the earth he knew was scorched and empty, and just speak.

But he knew that as soon as he spoke, and released that button, he would be met with silence. A deafening silence that would crush his only hope, confirm his worst fear.

That Clarke really was dead.

As the lonely days on the spaceship wore on, Bellamy's mind began to churn over the possibilities of his other half surviving Priamfiya. The Nightblood didn't work the first time, but wasn't it the same way with Luna? Maybe all she had to do was hide for a few months and adjust. She was a survivor, and if there was anything in her blood that would keep her alive, it would work. It would work for her.

Bellamy chanted this to himself as he lifted the radio to his mouth.

"Hello," his voice cracked on the first syllable. He paused, cleared his throat, and began again, his eyes shut. "This is Bellamy Blake, radioing from the Arcadia Ring. It has been 93 days since Priamfiya, on earth. Me and my companions are alive and well, up here." Here, he stopped again. This was it. There was no turning back now. "Can anyone hear me?"

The silence made the tear in his heart grow larger.

Even as he sat, his chest heaving, his head limp against the side of the table, and the lone few tears rolling down his cheeks, he realized something. Clarke may be dead, she may not be. She probably couldn't hear him, if she could still hear anything at all, but he didn't want to stop.

The silence made him want to try again.

"Clarke, I know if anyone's out there, it's you, and I..." He pulled the radio away from his mouth and took a deep breath. Unsure of where to even begin, he started from the beginning.

"Oh, God, Clarke, I'm so sorry," The tears began again. "I never wanted to abandon you, no one did. I knew I shouldn't have let you go to that tower alone, but I did, and now you're gone, and _I'm so sorry."_

Bellamy stopped himself, burying his face in his palms. He blamed himself for Clarke's death, as he believed he rightly should. He should have been the one to go to that stupid tower in the first place, or at least go with her. Echo couldv'e helped Murphy rescue Monty instead of wasting her precious time in a pointless, selfish suicidal ritual that Bellamy ultimately stopped. Sometimes, he still regretted it.

How could the universe be cruel enough to have Bellamy save Echo, and not Clarke?

"We made it, thanks to you, Clarke," he muttered into the radio. "93 days we've been up here. Echo and Emori have had a hard time adjusting, but they'll be okay."

Bellamy paused again and considered his surroundings. Raven. Raven was Clarke's friend too.

"Raven, is, well, Raven. She's amazing. You should see her, Clarke. She's back to her normal self. Like the version of Raven that first came down in the drop ship." Bellamy let himself let out a small laugh at the memory. "I know you didn't like that version very much."

"Monty and Murphy are doing okay, as is Harper. They've all got each other, you know? Even Echo and Emori, in all of their Grounder habits, have become quite the pair. Raven seems content to her robots and machinery, though she's still close to Murphy and Harper. She seems to think they're her little minions to boss around sometimes." Another sad laugh.

Bellamy imagined Clarke's laugh, for just a split second. He saw her, in the campfire light, back in the era of 'Princess' and 'Whatever the hell we want'. He saw her lips parted, her head tilted back, her golden hair shimmering way too perfectly for a girl who lived on a planet without showers. He could almost hear the song of simple laughter escaping her lips, and he wanted to hold on to that. _God,_ he just wanted that back.

"I'm... Well, to be honest, Clarke, I don't really know how I'm doing," he lied, rubbing the back of his neck. He knew exactly how well he was faring in space. "I help where I can. You know I'm not the smartest or most technologically advanced mind around here. I'm great when it comes to the brute work and heavy lifting, though."

He paused and searched his next words carefully.

"In all honesty, I just miss you. You once said I needed to use my brain more, because one day you wouldn't be there to use it for me. I remember how wrong I thought you were- how wrong I _knew_ you were. And here we are." A sad sigh escaped his lips and he looked at the radio, blurry now from the tears in his eyes.

"Clarke, I don't know if I even have a head when you're not around. I'm sorry your lecture didn't help with that," His sad laugh made him just sadder, wishing for so many things. So many impossible things.

The radio went silent. He held it delicately and stared at it, as if he believed hard enough, her voice would come crackling through any second. It would be just like the moment in Mount Weather, all that time ago. He replayed her voice saying his name in his head over and over again, until he almost believed he'd actually heard it echoing out of the speakers.

Bellamy lost track of time. He didn't know how long he'd sat there- seconds, minutes, maybe hours. The silence became deafening all over again, and he pressed down on the speaker button one last time.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Clarke."


	3. day 304

**SORRY FOR THE LATE UPLOADING! I was on the first branch of my summer performance tour and was mainly without stable wifi or data. Also sorry for how short this chapter is. Much more is coming! I promise!**

Echo hit her makeshift punching bag with rigor. It had been Raven's idea, to assemble some odd sandbags into the dummy, to blow off some steam on. Echo enjoyed hitting the inanimate object more than she thought she would.

The Gym, as they all referred to it, became a general gathering grounds. The large hub had many windows to give a beautiful view of the earth- Echo and Emori still couldn't believe _that_ was what the earth looked like- and occasionally the moon or cold sun. There were benches carved into the walls, and metal tables secured into the ground around the room. The MREs they had taken were almost gone now, just a few weeks worth left, sat in the corner of the Gym. It didn't matter, though, as the algae had begun blooming exactly when Clarke said it would- five months in.

"Where's Bellamy?" Raven asked, as she hobbled into the room.

Murphy and Emori sat next to a window, playing cards, and occasionally making out. Echo tended to ignore Murphy, but found Emori's Grounder presence to be comforting. Her's and Murphy's relationship, however, was not.

"Where is Bellamy always?" Murphy asked the rhetorical question, and Raven sighed.

"God, I almost regret building that thing," she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Echo hit the bag.

"Don't," Monty scolded. He and Harper were counting seeds to begin planting a wider variety of fruits.

The Skaikru seemed excited about it, but none of the fruits Echo heard them speak of were familiar to her. She just missed the rich taste of a fresh kill. While the Space Station may have been their salvation, it felt like her personal hell.

"Yeah," Harper interjected. "When he isn't in there, he's his normal self. You gave that back to him. He was nowhere near as fun to be around before that thing."

Echo hit the bag again.

"I mean, granted, he was never that fun to begin with," Murphy muttered, causing Emori to chuckle and hit him with her hand of cards.

"But he has a problem, guys! Right? I'm not the only one who thinks this obsession is out of hand," Raven seemed honestly distressed about her friend.

Echo didn't see the big deal in Bellamy's odd new habit. So what if he enjoyed talking to his dead girlfriend on occasion? There was no harm in that. Especially if it was increasing his performance in other areas where he was needed in the ship- which it was.

"I think you might be, Raven," Monty paused, counted something in his head, and then quickly pushed a small pile of bright green seeds to the side. "He really has gotten better. He's adjusting. Ever since he started talking to Clarke again-"

"He's not talking to Clarke!" Raven fumed. "He's talking to an empty earth and a banged up radio! It's hopeless!" She gripped her hair and kicked the wall, with her good leg. She immediately winced in pain, before cursing loudly.

"Raven," Harper and Monty stood up, and even Murphy moved towards the girl. "Are you sure you aren't the one who needs help?"

Echo hit the bag one last time.

It made sense. From what she could tell, Raven, Bellamy, and Clarke were the closest, having been together since they descended to the ground. Harper could be right- maybe Bellamy's hope was getting to Raven's practicality.

Echo wiped the sweat from her forehead and sat next to Emori, watching the contentious scene with Raven and her friends continue. Just wait, she thought. In a few months, none of us will have hope.


End file.
